concealed inside me is a yearning.
a burning soul fire.
a flame in chest that beats my heart and heats the rivers that feed my wholeness.
only now i am awakening.
only now fully feeling the force of remembering.
i was not born broken,
i was born bright and filled with light.
with the living breathing is-ness of this business of being.
hungry for seeing, seeking, reaching.
with each reach grasping layers,
taking on shapes,
creating containers to navigate the world.
the innocence of a soft, fresh, and new body.
an animal of instinct and desire.
the light of the eyes vibrant,
piercing through the world.
even then i was yearning.
yearning for learning.
now i find i'm yearning for returning.
we spiral. we dance.
we move in waves across the page.
we uncover, discover, recover what's always been here.
but we taste it anew.
with the lines we've drawn about who we are,
we feel the edges we can press against.
as we grow and singe with pain.
as comforts shatter and love learns conditions,
our wholeness cracks.
we are still whole
but we fragment into pieces.
a puzzle that puzzles us.
and not only must we learn,
we must be learned.
god has abandoned her glass carriage in the breaking,
she has poured out into the space between,
filling the air that i am breathing.
and i taste remembrance.
i taste the wholeness.
i feast here, broken open.
prayer is a refuge that reminds me to return.
my prayers are incantations,
vibrations wanting to be heard.
each time my voice shapes words into phrases
it is an invocation,
a call to come home.
angel's sing, a choir of wisdom.
and mantras string together bead by bead.
while i rock in the rhythm of returning.
i will never again be that soft animal
of effervesce and innocence
and golden honey love.
i will be the lion hearted roar
of a truth fully lived,
a soul on fire with daring desire
to shine fully self expressed.
each fragment holds divinity.
each fragment is reflecting unity.
the yearning, the longing, the calling
brings me home,
to where the divine sparks
glitter and burn.