:: image by Mia Lila
Consistency is calling. The invitation to show up everyday, to face my resistance to discipline. Unlike the popular insistence that I need to show up and say YES, I’m discovering that truly I need to stand firmly in my NO.
I am tired of whoring out my energy.
I am tired of saying yes to things I don’t really want or need, because some old dark black seed has been growing inside and bearing rotten truths. Of my own fears, of my old wounds, of my hungry longing for wholeness. Yes has gotten me to do far too many things I never wanted to, has gotten me in situations that showered me in shame, has made me doubt the wisdom that has been laying around here, inside, again and again and again.
So, a big fat NO is brewing inside. A NO to the unnecessary noise. A NO to the takers who don’t give back. A NO to the wheel spinning story of not knowing, not enough, not gonna happen, not me. A NO to withholding the soured stories that have curdled inside because I couldn’t find the courage to speak.
No more. No more hiding. No more pleasing.
It’s time for being truly here. All in. Raw and real. Me.
Yes, the gorgeous mess of it. Yes, the brilliant heart of it. Yes, the growing edge of it. Yes, the sacred thread of it.
But how does this begin?
How many times have I walked the edge of the cliff, claiming to take the leap, only to realize the harness was still on? Hooking me with ropes and chains to all the ways the "YES-to-everything-out-there" still wins. I have jumped countless times, only to dangle just over the edge and get pulled back up on the safety nets. The surety that helping or learning or giving or supporting or encouraging or fucking or drinking or generally distracting in any possible way from ME requires.
How does one burn the binds of self story that have grown taut around past patterns? What is necessary to leap unfettered and trust my own damn wings?
I think I must cut off the skin, cut out the old shapes, shed the too tight clothes that no longer hold the whole of me. I am suffocating. I am holding a pillow over my own damn face.
With the blade of NO I cut. Little threads have severed, a hem is unraveling. Suddenly there is more room for breathing.
But fuck, this is not a pretty story that happens in a moment. This is the chaos of life. My life. The battle of wills between spirit and ego, Soul Self and small self. The me seeking safety and approval has invested a lifetime in the binding, those threads have radical massive survival strength. "Contain the strain to refrain from the molds that hold you in place", they say. But I know better. The bigness is gasping inside, struggling to breath, in space filled with stuff that is not mine. I am suffocating on YES.
So NO, that is how this will begin. NO to the little things that pull me off center. NO to the invitations that don’t make my heart sing. NO to the obsessive need to learn that comes from that black-seed hole of not enough. NO to second guessing or apologizing. NO to denying the wild mystery inside. NO to putting off what must be done today, right now... because my life, my art, my heart depends on it.
Parameters for practice are essential to sustain the momentum and overcome the conundrum of habitual response. So here's the break down babe:
- Sleep is essential. Your power lies in your ability to receive rest. Put your damn phone down. No computers in bed. Lights out at a decent hour.
- Creating sacred space like the Shakti Shaman you are is foundational to your magic. Every day must start on your terms. Ritual space. Soul self, small self, source. All in. Align the trifecta.
- Prioritize your potency through committed action. 1. Write daily. Put the fucking timer on and write it out. 15 minute minimum, uncapped maximum. 2. Move yo ass. Your inspiration comes from the curvature of your body. Work it, shake it, walk it, dance it, yogafy it, butify it, bike it, hike it, do what needs to be done to breathe deeper, stretch farther and feel your own damn strength alive beneath your skin.
- Seek inspiration. Elevate engagements with who and what lifts you up. Stop saying yes because you feel bad, you think you should, or you're afraid you might be rejected, forgotten, or that somebody else might get hurt. Only say yes to what activates the effervescence of your soul.
- Ritualize receiving. Practice being the queen and let the nourishment you NEED be fully allowed to come all the way in. High level style. We are talkin cellular revitalization from the livest, ripest, most heart centric offerings that come your way.
- Succulent magnetism. Daily micro adjustments to realign with the high vibe vision of your big juicy contribution. Take a stand. Be all in.
When the practice begins to drop roots, there is gonna be a lot more room for the real to shine through. The severed threads of the old clothes will continue to burst and rip and fall away. What will be left is the strong supple sprout of the naked truth, the sacred truth, the holy rolling growth of a soul on fire, a woman committed to living a fully self expressed life, turned ON by the light of her own calling.
What, you ask, is created from that? Magic babe, endless wild magic.
Stories, images, connections. Healings and conversations. Temple rhythms, embodied awakenings, lyrical manifestations, and sparkling soul shine celebrations. It’s all coming. It’s all waiting. For me. To break out of this too tight skin of too many yeses that led me to say no to my soul.
Today the blade of NO cuts at the root. Today I reclaim YES as the exuberant soul cry of coming home to my goddess blessed SELF. For now, everything else can fucking wait.