Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to perceive, understand, manage, and handle emotions of others and of ones self. When someone is emotionally intelligent they are able to sense, discern, evaluate & guide different feelings and able to take responsibility for their own emotions. Emotional intelligence is highly correlated with empathy and is useful in creating rich and meaningful connections. Below are 5 steps to develop Emotional Intelligence.
Begin to notice the difference between response & reaction. A response is something offered in return. It’s a sense of readiness, a sense of having solid ground to move from, it’s fresh and emerging in the present. A reaction is something that's "done again." Reactions bring the past into the present, often in a triggered way. They are a replay of past feelings / emotions.
Notice, but don't make yourself wrong. When we are coming from a calm responsive place we can appreciate ourselves in that moment and notice what becomes available within us and around us. When we find ourselves triggered and reactive we can be patient with ourselves and begin to acknowledge there may be an opportunity present to dig a little deeper about what's really going on. Often time this investigation of a trigger or reaction will come after the heat of the moment, but with a willingness to reflect on these challenging moments so much can be learned about ourselves.
Be willing to acknowledge what you're feeling. So many of us don't want to do this. We'd rather react or distract, which keeps us from having to face uncomfortable feelings, which in turn can keep us in a habit of "doing them again." However if you can begin to at least acknowledge a feeling is there something can begin to shift. Once you notice a feeling arising see if you can identify where you feel it and what it feels like (ex- I feel sadness in my chest. It’s heavy and feels thick.) If you can, place your hand on your body where you feel it most. Practice telling yourself that it makes sense that you feel the way you do. Notice what its like to turn toward the emotion and what it’s like to identify and acknowledge it.
Get curious about the hidden message of your emotion. What is your anger, anxiety, frustration, judgement, etc. actually wanting you to notice & pay attention to? We often want to make our feelings about other people and their actions, but generally they are pointing to some deeper insight about ourselves and what we need.
Ask yourself: What do I need? Like, what do I really truly need right now? Ask yourself then listen and feel for the answer. Once you get a sense, see if you can affirm that need, telling yourself "it makes sense that I need..." Maybe you practice this listening and affirming for awhile. Once you feel ready to take it a little further, explore how you can consciously take a step or make an honest request for that need to be met.
